icebreaker 019

Who are the people who lift you up?

I don’t know if I need lifting. Most of the time I just lift myself up when I’m down. Of course I have my close friends, less than a handful of them really to depend on when times get tough, but only when they get really really tough.

Other people would probably say their family, apart from their friends. But I fear I don’t feel the same way. I don’t think anyone in my family feels the same way. And I know it’s kind of sad and odd at the same time. But, yeah.

Are you willing to release him/her from your anger and forgive him/her?

How long can anyone really be or stay mad at someone? How long can you actually physically and mentally (psychologically) sutain anger? Against anyone or anything in particular?

Ok, that doesn’t really answer the question. I may eat my words in the near, or hopefully far future or maybe not, but I won’t and can’t forgive him. He is ill, I know, but I wouldn’t even give him the satisfaction of my pity or forgiveness. Half of his illness is his fault, though there is no known cause of Parkinson’s disease bu the way he managed it was absolutely irresponsible even for someone who was ill.

I still know that at the back of my mind I hope to forgive him but I don’t see any good reason for that right now.

How do you feel about a vacation?

That sounds quite nice about now. Right now. This very second.

But truth is I am saving up my vacation days for my mandatory leave in two months. By then, I wish two weeks off work and out of the house would get me back into whatever groove I wish I could say I had before, or maybe get me out of this deep, deep puddle of a rut my stressful life is in. A good case of ice-cold beer is required of course.

Do you worry about being taken for granted?

In all essence, no. Is that really a bad thing? I’ve been really independent for most my life, and I don’t really like unwarranted attention that much from anyone so I guess that makes me like a plant.

How do you feel about when you judge yourself inadequate, guilty, or unlovable?

When did I ever? When did I ever not? And how does that feel? Pretty normal. Everyone has their own insecurities in their lives, I guess I’m not so different, I hope.

How do you feel about when your criticized or made fun of in public?

“Fuck it, let’s do this.”

I don’t think I’ve ever been put in that kind of situation before, to have myself publicly criticized or made fun of. Or maybe not, I have been performing with the company’s choir for the past three years already so I am not a stranger to putting on a show in public. And I have been made to sing in a couple of public venues as well as play host to one of my friend’s weddings, so yeah I have had my share of the limelight so to speak.

But I’ve never thought of those instances as a chance to publicly ridicule myself or expose any of my weaknesses. I think of it as a challenge of how much courage or guts I have, or maybe a test of how much of my own ego I can stand. In Filipino, papangatawanan ko na lang.

How do you feel about parades?

Parades are fun, unless you’re in it, except when it’s thrown in your honor, I guess.

I remember watching the Rose Bowl Parade on TV when I was a kid. I wondered how much fun it would be to work on those gigantic floats and how thrilling it would be to see them coming down the street in person.

In highschool, I worked with my fellow scouts as representatives for our school in the annual city parade, that was hell and half. It was nice at the start, but when midday comes and the heat and hunger is getting to you, you can barely muster a smile anymore and just would wish death or the parade to be over. Ahh, the scouting days.

In college, we used to anticipate watching the annual lantern parade in the university right around Christmas break. I worked with the council then too, so we had more time to spend on helping out with organizing the college “float” during my final year on college. It was better since the parade was done at night, and you could enjoy the lights on the parade partcicpants just sitting on the sidelines, or get a tour of the whole university all lit up for the Holiday season by walking with the parade.

Who controls the mood in your house? The conversation? The bed?

The bed… and the idiot box.

What is your favorite fruit?

Tomatoes.

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