In light of the new albeit depressing developments we have had at work, we have decided to put up a countdown on our team board to count down the days until we are finally out of the company and receive our severance paychecks. Kinda dreary, if you think about it, but I did put up a small “Keep Calm and Carry On” poster beside it to at least make sure that the team’s focus and priorities are in check. This just means that everyday at work, we’d have to be reminded of how much longer or shorter time we actually have in the office.
The other day I was talking to Xseth about it, before we had heard any detail on what we are supposedly to do next. I mentioned that at one point it would seem that we would have to be mandatory clients at a 24-hour internet cafe, which as it turns out is fortunately or unfortunately not the case after all.
After a good slightly motivational, slightly depressing talk with my foreign manager last night (turns out, anything he can say or will say to us or me right now would have to sound depressing and sad, him being the proper Englishman so caught up with hour-long pleasantries), he then explained that technically we are still business as usual for the next three months within this “transition period”, as human resources would love to call it. We would still have our goals and objectives for the quarter, and as it seems as well, since I think the silent consensus amongst the team would just be to wing out the rest of the stay and run with the money, we are also still eligible for the quarterly bonus as they saw that fit, if we do complete all our accountabilities for the remaining period of employment. Which sounds good, but then again, at the back of everyone’s minds, “What the hell is the fucking point?”
Meanwhile, I have been thinking of what I actually feel about these things (which is weird, since thinking and feeling are considered to be totally detached from each other, or whatever). One of my people told me that I did look noticeably sad the other day, but then again, that just might have been because I just ran out of McCafe Float (I am still addicted to that stuff). While the rest of the teams have been keeping themselves busy trying to look for jobs, refreshing network connections with other companies, and sending out resumes online, I think I am still very much in denial about the whole thing. I don’t know. I don’t know if I can still go through the whole less of unemployment, or worse, having to start all over again. I have already been working close to nine years: I have nothing that I can substantially call my own, I just have one month’s worth of savings (contrary to Suze Orman’s recommended six), and I feel unwanted, unsatisfied, and underachieved/employed. And my resume doesn’t even look that good, I think. And ultimately I feel old. And defeated.
So there. It is what it is. I think it’ll be some time before everything actually sinks in, and as I told my boss Steve, three months is still a long time. I think.
I don’t know.