It’s official. In about a couple of hours I’d be celebrating my second year with my current company. I guess not really celebrating but more of commemorating really. In ta short span of two years I have managed to get promoted at least twice and am now holding a managerial position, albeit quite a small team. I don’t really know how else to make of it.

Two years don’t seem that long. But I could not even remember what I was doing exactly a year a go from today. Oh, I remember now. I was preparing for an interview for my current position. Makes sense I guess. But I don’t think there’d be any step up for me in my current company any time soon or at least within the next two years. I guess that’s fine and all, as long as I try to do my job well, keep the whole team in check and such, make sure that everyone has somewhere to go to when the shit hits the fan, or at least do everything that I can as a leader to prevent the shit from hitting the fan then I guess I’d be okay.

On one hand, I do consider myself under some sort of flight risk. Not that I am actively pursuing any other job positions currently or any other companies, but I guess two years is not really that long to say that I have done everything that I can for my current company. They have always reiterated that one of the company’s strengths would be their ability to rotate talent all around, get you in a position that best fits your talents and skills. Two years ago, I never would have thought that I would be taking on a leadership position that fast, but then again, I think I was put in this job role for a reason, and not by just some choice of a lesser evil between my then co-applicants for the job. I don’t really know.

I think one thing that really gives me satisfaction with the kind of work that I do is the control. I mean, who doesn’t want some sort of control, not only in their own lives but it is definitely sweeter to be given the chance to control what other people do and actually get paid for it. Not that I do have any control over what my team does everyday, but it is the resemblance of it that I have come to enjoy a bit, I must admit.

Then there’s also the joy of being the person in the know, being the go-to guy for questions or big decisions, somewhat big. I enjoy the fact that my team comes to me to consult and ask things that otherwise they would and I think could have learned on their own, but just because of the sheer convenience of it, and me posing as the leader that I am, they come to me to ask instead. I just so hate those times when I would have to say that I don’t know the answer. I hate making myself look stupid or out of control when we all know who should be in this conversation.

I guess if it come to a point that you actually find yourself in that position, that awkward position of ignorance and stupidity as a leader a lot more times than before, that could be a sign that you have reached your cap, Not so much s the cap of your learning abilities, but I guess in workout or exercise lingo, that’s when you know that somehow, you have already plateaued. Did I even spell that right?

I am beginning to doubt myself a lot more.


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