dilemma

I don’t have any clue how I have come to put myself in this position in the first place. I mean, all the signs were there and I had prior knowledge of everything, yet a year later, here I am. I don’t want to go into any detail so I’m just going to put the shorthand version of it on here. Again, no one ever really reads this, so why bother.
I never thought that I would fall for someone who is already married, let alone let the relationship, or whatever it is that binds us, last for a year. I guess we’ve known from the very start that it was bound to stop somewhere, sometime, but we just kept going at it. I honestly think I was actually getting too used to it, but in spite of that I loved each and every moment that we spent together.
I really thought that it was something that we could keep for the longest time. But then I met someone. Nothing really serious yet but I am amazed how this person gave me a different perspective on things. Something that I could have been looking for. But the catch is, getting into a relationship with this person meant that I had to change my life completely. This person was going to take me out of my comfort zone in the long run, I am sure of it, and I am not certain that I can take that change that this person might bring into my life. So right now, I am at a standstill.
I love the person who kept me, as a kept man. And I am beginning to like the idea that I am actually getting to know someone else who is actually free and who can be mine completely, but the catch is that I’ll have to leave everything else that I was behind. The worst part about it is, they both seem to be into me a lot. Oddly enough, we all both know that we’re just screwing each other around, with me in the middle of it. But as it stands, no one seems to really want to budge.
This is hard.

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