letters unsent – SJR 3

I don’t know where to begin.

So technically we’ve been out twice, officially twice. We haven’t even known each other for more than month, and we’ve already restarted this “relationship”, if anyone would even call it one. I think the restart was very much welcome, though. Just thinking about the way we met draws out all the hope in me that this ought to be something good. And even if I feat that I might just jinx it, I dare say this early on, I think we are off to a good restart.
I am afraid. This is totally something new to me, the way we first met kinda gave me a hint of hope that this will be something different. I do hope it is. It doesnt even make sense what it is really that I am afraid of, yes but I am scared shit of what I am putting myself into right now.
I did believe that I might have told you something like that before already, how I am such a control-freak. If I haven’t then I am telling you now. My ex-girlfriend used to love to put me in awkward situations, and I somewhat liked that fact that she would try to put me in such stupid predicaments or instances that would make me look stupid for fun, and yet I would still come out pretty okay. I remember the time when we were walking down the street holding hands and she would deliberately get some random street pole in between us, just so she can see how I would react. I kinda hated that but I loved it nonetheless. It must be something wrong in me to relish those moments but I felt that she was not really trying to break me or make me look stupid, she just wanted to see how long I would hold on.
I don’t know why I am telling you this. Much like I don’t understand where you are coming from when you tell me about all the other guys that you have dated before or who tried to court you before.
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