what the hell…

Today seems to be another very unproductive day. Not like I haven’t had my own share of unproductivity before in this workplace, but all this time I was hoping I was going to get things done, a lot more things done, given that it’s the end of the month and I am barely on half of the targets for the month, but I guess I got distracted a bit too much by so many other things that I find more amusing to do. Like this, writing about nothing. Like getting caught up in making sure that I am able to do something, that I end up spending too much time hoping for things instead of actually fulfilling them. I don’t even know what that last sentence meant.
Segue to: We had lunch at Pancake House today. A bit of the conversation went to one of our colleague’s friend’s father died and another family friend before that. “Seems like everyone is dying these days,” she said to me yesterday. Then we talked about how when you hear of someone dying, like a friend of a friend or some family of a friend, you never really know what to say. Same thing when you attend funerals for example, or when you learn of someone dying from the same office. I guess unless you are really close to that person, the one who died, you’ll never really know what to say. Or what to do. Will simple condolences be enough? Do you say sorry to them? But another friend pointed out, “Why would you say sorry, when that death was not your fault?” Okay, so say you’re actually saying sorry because you feel sorry for them and for their loss. But wouldn’t that be like taking pity for them? Why would you pity them? If this was my friend, I wouldn’t pity them because that simply just means that I find them weak. Although, I do find some of my friends weak, well, weak in some aspects that I am strong in, and I still do believe that somehow in some weird way they do have something that they are stronger than me in, but that’s totally beside the point. Yes, I don’t know where this post is leading to.
Would you want to have a wake for yourself when you die? I don’t think so. If I die, I’d rather have people just move on as fast as they can. Their world don’t have to stop because I have died, in as much as I would respect my loved ones too much to have my world crumble before their dead bodies. I owe it to them to show strength when it is needed: I would not mourn their death for long, I suppose. And so I don’t want them to mourn over me that long either. No flowers, no late night gambling and coffee and crackers, no mass cards and shit. Just a moment of silence for about 10 minutes would be enough. If they give that to me, I would be greatly honored. If they don’t, sure as hell I’ll do everything I can to haunt them for the rest of their days. Hehehe.

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