i don’t know

Teka lang. Can I just rant? I know that’s what I’ve been used to doing on this blog anyway so it doesn’t really matter if anyone is paying attenton at all anyway.
Still, this is related to work and how I feel about work. Got into a short chat with a co-worker earlier today about what is likely to happen. Hindi naman ako nagkukulang siguro sa trabaho. I get to work, I’ve never been absent oor late for the longest time and I do serve my time at work to the best of my abilities. Pero kulang lang lagi. Somehow I’m not able to meet one of our targets at work, that one which is related to sales.
Minsan kahit na ano talagang gawin mo, meron talagang mga bagay na hindi ka talaga bagay gawin. No matter how good you are or how much effort you put into it, somehow, for some reason, you’ll never be cut out for it, and you are always bound tto fail in some aspect.
Minsan naiisip ko kung paanong nilalait namin o naiinis kami sa ibang tao na hindi marunong o hindi magaling magsalita ng English. I think I’m over it. I just think of those other thing that I might not know that that person would really be good at. Just because we can say that we are good at something and someone else is not good at that thing that we do great, that doesn’t mean that they’re good for nothing. For all we know, they actually might be better than us in a lot more ways, it’s just that they’re not good at what we do the best.
Yun na nga yung point. Sabi ni Star, hindi kami makaka-move-on sa susunod na phase ng training if we don’t meet the targets for level one in about two weeks. After that, if we don’t still meet the targets, we’ll be considered as focus agents wherein tututukan talaga nila kung anuman yung target na hindi mo nami-meet and then they’d give you about another two weeks. Pagkatapos nun, tsaka ka ma-eenroll sa performance management program, kung saan kailangan mo na talagang ma-meet yung targets kundi nakasalalay na ang trabaho mo. Kung hindi pa rin, outs ka na. Ganun lang ka-simple.
My co-worker said that he’ll really get pissed if he does get enrolled in that performance management program. Firstly, the account is service oriented. If you deliver the service that your customers expect, and do good by your customers almost all the time, or sabihin na lang natin na all the time, that should get you far in that line of  work right? But apparently that would not be enough, you have got to deliver the money as well. That seems kind of screwed up to me, coming from a non-sales background. Saan ba talaga ang focus natin? Sa service or sa sales? I would not have signed up for something that would have involved a large part of selling, because I know in my mind that I am not that kind of person. It defeats my own personality, in a way.
I’m at that odd place right now. At the start I was thinking that since I was delivering the numbers for service, I mean, I can resolve my customer’s concerns efficiently, I meet resolution targets 100% and also my efficiency targets completely and even exceed those of my colleagues, I might have a good chance of evolving into some sort of leadership position. But I can’t deliver the sales and that’s the part that worries me. After everythingg that you’ve done, after doing all the things that you know is good and following everything by the book, you still fall way short.  Ngayun, parang pakiramdam ko hinihintay ko na lang yung panhon na matanggal ako sa trabaho dahil sa sales part ng targets namin.
Ang hirap pa nito, sa sigurong tinagal-tagal ko na sa kumpanyang ito, somehow all their explanations now makes sense, or at least I am even able to make sense of their arguments on my own even if they don’t actually explain it to me. If we don’t bring in the sales, the client’s customer base wouldd not grow and then the service calls would not come in, yeah, yeah, I get the picture, totally. So kahit na alam kong wala naman akong ginagawang mali, at least all the numbers tell me that I am doing good and I am doing the right thing by my customers, still, it is never enough. I don’t think it will ever be enough.
Minsan tuloy, in my exceedingly annoying and uncanny ability to rationalize the world and try to understand what it is like on the other side of the universe, naiisip ko na siguro nga may ginagawa akong mali. O meron labg talaga akong hindi ginagagawa. O baka naman yung mga benchmark nila for these targets are based on all other people doing something wrong or doing something that I would never even think of doing just because it’s simply not in me to do that. Then I try to make sense of it further that maybe, I can do this afterall. maybe I can change and be a better salesperson. I don’t believe it, but I don’t know. Maybe that’s my problem.
I don’t know.
I don’t have a clue.
Eventually i’m goint to run out of options. Eventually I’m going to run out of explanations and rationalizations for what the universe throws at me, whether be it a truckload of shit or a box of truffles. But for now, I have to get ready for work.

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