hindi na sigurado

Okay, I should have left way earlier than this. Medyo tinatamad lang talaga kasi ako kanina. I honestly think that my sister-in-law should really have already brought the money since they were going there anyway, at least we could spare one person, me, the effort and the stress of the trip. Plus, this was my time alone at home, which actually happens not very often. Minsan na lang ako maiwan na ako lang mag-isa sa bahay, hindi naman sa anti-social ako o anuman, pero minsan mas gusto ko lang talaga na ako lang mag-isa, lalo pa sa bahay kasi mas malaya kang gawin ang kahit anong gusto mo.
Umuwi ako dahil sa mga magulang ko. We kinda started this setup early this year: They’ve permanently moved to our other house in Morong, Rizal. Age does reduce mobility, my father’s gait has been stunted in a way by his Parkinson’s disease/syndrome, and my mom had always feared that having my father move in and around the city by himself is a recipe for disaster, sooner or later. Naalala ko noong unang nag-collapse si Daddy sa banyo sa bahay. Buti na lang nandito kami nun at naisugod siya sa ospital. May dalawang linggo din siyang nasa ICU noon, at talaga namang kinabahan kami lahat na baka yun na ang huli. That was more than three years ago, I can’t really remember, but now, he tries his best to move around the house and keep busy instead of letting the shakes overcome him completely.
My mom, well, my mom. We know the story. She wouldn’t go to the city on her own since she can’t bear the thought of my dad being alone. Tapos yun pa, ang cancer. What turned out to be a routine check-up for some ovarian pain became a string of surgeries and treatments that happened so fast, before you can even say the word chemotherapy, she’s already on her fourth session. Buti na rin lang malapit dun sa kabilang bahay yung ospital na pinagke-chemotherapy niya. It would have been to stressful to take the trip to the city and back all drugged and buzzed with all the chemicals running through your system. She mostly complains about food nowadays really, the lack of taste. Lahat ng kinakain niya walang lasa, magaling at mahilig pa naman magluto si Mommy, I guess that makes losing taste all that bad.
I don’t consider myself the most dutiful out of my other siblings, hell, I didn’t even finish college, but I have no choice. Since I’m the only son left here in the city, I make the trips weekly to see how their doing, check up on what they need or want, and make sure that they’re still breathing. My two elder brothers are overseas, my youngest brother is working in Los Baños. I never really chose to stay, but I guess at the back of my mind, I was really too comfortable here in Manila to ever leave. Siguro lalo pa ngayun, naiisip ko minsan hindi naman talaga nila ako mapipigil na umalis kung sakali mang gustuhin ko bigla o magkaroon ako ng mas magandang trabaho kung saan man na mas malayo sa kanila, pero ngayung ako na lang nga ang naiwan dito, kakayanin ko pa bang iwanan sila ngayun? Hindi na siguro.

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