still an agent

I slept the whole day again today, almost, and never ate anything until about an hour ago. I know I’m definitely doing something wrong to my body, and this is it’s way of sorta shaking me up. I need to quit a lot of things and start doing more of other things. Matter of choice really, I always end up choosing those things that could be bad for me in general. I can’t tell myself these things enough but when the temptation comes, I feel it very hard to resist. Just goes to show how weak my will really is, like my life so far for the past 25 years isn’t evidence enough of my lack of passion.
I was going to write something to counter myself but I kinda lost it again. Maybe it’ll surface later within the post.
Lemme think.
That’s it: I was going to mention growing pains and anxiety.
I got down with gastroenteritis about a month ago, around the same time I had to decide if I was going to move to Sykes or not, stay with our current client, albeit a different BPO company altogether. The offer was really attractive and made most of my colleagues agree to jump ship, and I don’t blame them. I am glad they are able to decide at a drop of a hat what could be one of the biggest decisions we’re going to be making at this quarter of our lives. I was seriously considering moving but I guess I was really scared. This was totally something new for me, though the job was technically the same, and I have long built my comfort zone with my current company for the past four years, going on five (!).*
That day was really bad, in all aspects. I wasn’t able to eat and much stomach really turned for the worse during the day and I eventually skipped work for two days. I would have been fine if I was able to work from the restroom, with me shitting a lot all the time, but that wasn’t an option so I had to skip. I never really believed in signs but I was almost giving in that day, maybe my body was telling me that I made the wrong decision and that I should have jumped when I had the chance. I never really had an anxiety attack like that before, something that manifested physically, I don’t think I never really had a reason to be anxious before that in such a long time. For the most part, I had blotches appear on my skin everytime I get out of the bath, but I always thought that was because of some unknown minor skin allergy to water or soap or dust or something.
So I decided to stay. I have had the chance to change my mind for the past couple of days but I decided to stick with it. Eventually, an new queue opened up at our Shaw site and that sounded like a catch. It was just a few blocks from home and that meant I had more time to do other things other than waste time in traffic getting around. It would really save me a lot just to be able to walk to work and not worry about getting late anymore.
What’s the point? I don’t really know. I guess I was just saying. Sick man rant. In between my runny nose and my dry throat, my on and off temp and not taking a bath, I don’t have anything else to do but write about random stuff. Maybe I’ll run down through my topics again and see if there’s something I can expound on.
*I’m going to have spent a longer time at work than in college by Sunday, August 16. I’m not sure if that’s really a milestone I must mark or something but I was just saying. Five years at one company must mean something, right? Well, I guess not. I’m still an agent afterall.


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