happy mother’s day

Went hone again to my folk’s place in the mountains. It’s Mother’s Day, and mom just got out of the hospital. I was slightly expecting the whole shebang when I arrive, IV tubes, respirators, medical gadgets, a nice looking nurse. Nada. Parang may pera kami para dun. Wala, dun lang si Mommy, may hawak na lampin sa dibdib niya. Everything else was normal. At buti na rin lang. Hindi ko pa rin maisip kung anong gagawin ko kung sakaling may masamang nangyari…
I just missed my brother by about five minutes when I got to the gate, kakasakay lang daw niya ng tricycle paalis. Ok lang. At least he was there while I wasn’t, one of us brothers should be, these kinds of things. He went home to check on his laptop, which for all we know is already dead. Good thing he was able to save his hard disk before the whole thing gave up. Pina-hack na rin lang niya to save the files. Now he’s off to saving for a new netbook. I guess I could get one of those toys too, if I had the money. When I get the money and stop spending it on other things…
In the spirit of Mother’s Day, aunts came by. Konti na rin lang silang magkakapatid ng mommy ko so they end up checking up on each other a lot more often. And she’s a nurse too so she took it upon herself to check on my mom after the operation, not that they have a fabulous relationship after my grandma died about 10 years ago, but since my other aunt passed about 3 years back, they both have no other sister to cling to.
My uncle asked about my ex again, if only because they were able to meet her the last time she was here. More than anyone else, I guess my family still wants to see her with me again, I guess because she was the only one I ever introduced them too, and because they’ve seen us pretty close, those happy days. Ikakasal na siya, sabi ko, if not to dampen any other inquiries about our already non-existent status. Wala na rin naman talagang dapat pang pag-usapan. Tapos na ang lahat between us, and I personally would rather not talk about it.
The follow-up was kinda expected but still caught me off guard. Wala ka bang ibang girlfriend ngayun? Wala. Kapareho pala ng nangyari sa Ate Joan mo yan. Iniwan din siya ni Jake. Ilang taon din sila nun? Matagal din, may 5 years din sila. Jake also knew the larger part of our family, mother’s side, since he was a local and Joan and him virtually lived together in our grandma’s house when Joan’s family moved by large to London. Hindi man lang nga dawned nagparamdam na may problema, bigla na lang sinabi sa kanya na wala na sila. No third party involved (yeah right), hindi naman daw siya nakabuntis o anuman (another yeah right). I don’t know what Joan is doing right now, but I guess I could relate. Okay naman na daw si Joan, naka-move on naman na siya at okay lang na makita niya si Jake ngayun. Kaso si Jake yata ang ayaw na magpakita at hindi na maalaman kung nasaan. I envy her though for having moved on that way, I’m not sure if I have, but I guess I could at least tell myself that I too am ready to face her, just in case, although the chances of that actually happening are second to none.
Hirit naman ni tita, Destiny iyon. Kung hindi ukol, hindi talaga. Natahimik ako. I’d not rather be part of this conversation or this family at that moment. I think my cousins who were there too
understood a bit, but kept it to themselves. It’s hard to get caught up in these kinds of conversations with grown ups. I walked out discreetly and fixed my mother’s flowers that tipped over in the makeshift vase out front. And then slept till the night. I don’t know if they noticed me or what, but I guess I made my point. Tama na. I think they left a little after 3pm, but I’d rather not even imagine what much mother would have added to that conversation.
I stayed the night upon my mother’s request and made my way home a little before lunch today. My mother had her way and asked me how I even knew that she was getting married already, if she sent me a text message or called. It was unbearable, I left as soon as I can.
Sorry, Mom. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Lagi na lang napag-uusapan. I just need to shut up. But on one hand, I wish I was more open to her, I knew she would have been the best person to cry on, but it’s just that we were never brought up that way. Mas mananaig
yung feeling of weirdness than wanting to bond. Eventually, we’ll grow out of this. I love you, Mom. I’ll tell you everything soon enough.

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