Mindfuck

There are some things in life that we always end up doing, no matter how hard we try to avoid them. Madalas, hindi mo maintindihan sa sarili mo kung bakit ginagawa mo pa rin yung mga bagay na alam mo namang hindi nakakabuti sa iyo, yung mga bagay na alam mo naman hindi talaga magtatagal.
Natural lang bang makulit ka? Natural lang bang pinipili mo yung mga bagay na hindi mo talaga dapat piliin sa mga sandaling iyon? Is there some kind of thrill involved in choosing those things, you think, at the back of your mind, you really want to be rebellious and choose them things that the normal, sane person would make sense of not choosing?
D was right, maybe I just think way too much. Masyado ko lang ginugulo ang isip ko sa mga bagay na malinaw naman na dapat ang sagot para sa akin, dahil kahit ako mismo, alam kong yung mga bagay na sa huli ay pinipili kong gawin ay hindi talaga tama, hindi wasto, hindi makapagpapaunlad sa pagkatao ko.
On the other hand, how can I really tell that these things don't really contribute to my overall well-being, when in fact these are the very things that make up who I am and conversely, who I don't want to be? These bad choices are the things that make me understand which choices are good and how the things I choose now do, do and always do, have the consequences, some of which I end up regretting, most I end up cherishing at the end of the day?
O ngayun ba ay talagang, pinangangatuwiranan ko lang ang mga bagay na ito? Am I just defending myself now? I guess so.
An hour and a half later, still I ask, why did we just commit another indisgression against our souls?
01/05/2009 4:49 pm

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