coming up

a week and a day before we reach our first month: is it unnatural to think of marriage already? lagi na niyang nasasabi sa akin kung gaanong parang matagal na kaming magkasama samantalang kabaliktaran naman ang nararamdaman ko. for me, it just feels like we were an item just yesterday. (technically speaking, i can’t even tell the difference between yesterday and today anymore other than subtle changes in the intensity of light.) kami na ngayon at lalo lang akong natatakot kung paano na kami bukas. minsan sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko na ituring ang aming relasyon sa pa-isa-isang araw muna, magaling na kung hindi kami maghiwalay ngayon. i want to take it slow. slowly but surely. everyday i affirm it to myself that this is a new day and i have a million people on my list whom i can choose to love, but for today i will choose to love her. i love her that’s for sure. at mamahalin ko siya hanggang sa pumikit ako mamayang gabi (o hapon) para matulog at bumalik sa aking kaluluwa. bukas paggising ko, alam ko na hindi pa rin magbabago ang damdamin ko para sa kanya at siya pa rin ang pipiliin kong mahalin. i’m saying this not because i already know that she loves me, more than that, as a matter of fact, i don’t. i don’t know whether she would choose to love me tomorrow or the next day, or whether she would just choose to love someone else for next week. in fact, no one, i think could positively and honestly say that they would choose to love someone for the rest of their lives for sure. and i think that is where the committment steps in. kaya ka nagkipag-commit sa isang tao dahil sa kabila ng kapusukan ng puso mo, sa kabila ng lahat ng taong maaari mong piliing mahalin, sa kabila ng mga taong maaaring makapagsukli o makahigit pa sa pagmamahal na ibinibigay sa iyo; pinili mong mahalin ang isang taong ito sa araw na ito, sa oras na ito, sandaling ito, ngayon.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s